I am at a point in my life where I feel ready, ready to move on, ready to start over and ready to tackle this life head on and what I mean by that is, too let go of the past, not worry about the future and enjoy the present moments in this life. I have began to realize something this year and how precious, short and fragile life truly is and because of this I want to live it to the fullest and give it my all. I want to be free and not be affected by the opinions of others. I still struggle many times and I have feelings of giving up, quitting and just saying to God "that is enough," (I have said that to him a few times now). It is easy to pretend everything is okay, but God knows the hidden things and see's past what you perceive to be. I am not gonna lie the last week has been a rough one, just hasn't been that great, why?
I do not know, but one thing I do know is that just because its been a hard week does not mean I have a hard life. It is so ridiculously easy to be overcome with self pity and all the problems that you have instead of seeing all the blessings right in front of you, but once it is a habit, it is a hard one to break. I am young and I have a whole life in front of me, but at times I am faced with a fear that, "it is too late, or I have messed up too much," that I missed my chance to succeed. And after looking at these thoughts and thinking on them for a while, I know for a fact that is not the truth because God says in Jerimiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Doesn't sound like its the end too me.. I also love this quote from C.S Lewis, "You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream."
Regardless of where you've been or what you've done, God sees you as one person with a load of not only potential, but gifts! You are not designed to just live, work and die. You are designed to live joyfully, work hard and see your dreams become real. Those dreams God has placed in your heart are not burdens to carry and never see come too pass. They are there for a reason, but sometimes we have to go through seasons in life to reach those destinations, sometimes we have to go through the desert to get to the ocean. I have watched many videos on YouTube about self-help, happiness and creating your own success, but one conclusion I have come too is that this life is not about me. I am happiest when I am not selfish! I am happiest when I am not stuck in a pit of despair and stress. I am happiest when I let it all go and give it to the one who not only created me, but loves me!
Its about him, its about the love he's given me, so freely, so undeserved. I am not where I want to be, but I know where I want to be and I know that God is the only one who can get me there, period. I am too weak, but he is more then strong enough for me. He is the strength I can rely on because every time I have tried to be strong in myself it doesn't work out and anytime that I think I have it all figured out I realize, I do not. That is because faith is not about answers, faith is the opposite it is about believing in what you cannot see and seeing what you cannot even believe. I don't need answers, I just need God.